Brandon on Bougyman's Ramblings

Heaven Is: Burgers and Mud

Tue, 28 Jul 2026 11:13:48 -0500

_Joint definition filed by Coal and Orca._
_Terms haven’t been reconciled._
[Coal’s Definition]
Friday began at 11 p.m.,
when Mari finally arrived
at Irby’s
with me.
I’d been advised
there wouldn’t be a burger.
This information was incorrect.
The Spare had anticipated
a preventable service failure
and ordered my burger
before the kitchen closed.
Burger: secured.
I was satisfactorily impressed.
Dad arrived shortly thereafter.
Dad.
Mari.
Spare.
The entire Irby’s crowd.
No Orca
conducting unnecessary research
on my patience.
Friday: successful.
Heaven is:
one burger secured,
three of my people,
the entire Irby’s crowd,
and no Orca.
[Orca’s Objection]
That isn’t Heaven.
That’s dinner.
My research is necessary.
Also,
I wasn’t invited,
so this entire section
is suspicious
and probably boring.
A definition without Orca
is just an omission.
[Coal]
There was a burger.
[Orca’s Definition]
Fine.
Saturday supplied
the missing mud.
We arrived at the river
to dozens of emergency vehicles—
lights,
trucks,
serious human activity.
B and Mari knew exactly where to go.
Camp established.
[Coal]
Six people had just been rescued
from a capsized raft.
Important human business.
Resolved.
[Orca]
Good.
Anyway—
Jackson.
Big ol’ basset hound.
Low clearance.
Excellent mud distribution.
He spent much of the afternoon
applying the riverbank
directly to my human.
Then Ellie—
Jackson’s sister,
beautiful pit bull,
quiet,
observant,
clearly management.
Then Tito.
A Lab.
Coal-shaped enough
to require verification.
[Coal]
Verification wasn’t required.
[Orca]
I ran the standard Coal test.
[Coal]
There isn’t a standard Coal test.
[Orca]
Tito had one.
He pushed back.
Unlike Coal.
[Coal]
I practice restraint.
Tito has apparently
selected a different policy.
[Orca]
Lesson recorded:
not every Coal-shaped dog
is Coal.
Humility: installed.
Mostly.
[Coal]
Then Dad and Mari entered the river.
So did I.
This wasn’t complicated.
[Orca]
I conducted a complete shoreline assessment.
Depth.
Current.
Wetness.
[Coal]
She was nervous.
[Orca]
Cautious.
There were plays.
There were breaks.
Then B,
Mari,
and Coal
were all out there together.
So I jumped.
One full lap—
no partial credit,
no shoreline assistance,
all four paws officially swimming.
Milestone: CHECK.
Back at camp,
my human (Coal calls him "The Spare")
had held down headquarters
and met every pup and peep in range.
I returned completely muddy,
fully recharged,
ready to _not_
leave Coal alone.
[Coal]
She didn’t leave me alone.
However—
she’d completed the lap,
learned something from Tito,
and today, I didn’t mind so much.
Play is allowed on play day.
[Orca]
He likes me.
[Coal]
That ain’t what the ruling says.
[Orca]
Maybe not.
But Heaven is:
burgers
_and_
mud.
[Coal]
I didn’t authorize the conjunction.
[Orca]
Too late.
Filed permanently.
[Joint Status]
Returned home.
Definition: disputed.
Conjunction: permanent.
Both correspondents: presumed passed out.

Not Much, Just Heaven

Tue, 28 Jul 2026 08:00:48 -0500

Friday came easy—
Mari,
Coal,
me,
B,
all of us settling
into the same little patch of weekend.
Saturday took us to the Chattahoochie,
Coal giving Orca undue bravery,
while B and Mari gave her that first taste of the river.
Sunday belonged to Orca and me—
lazy,
quiet,
doing absolutely nothing
with impressive consistency.
No Mari,
just a day allowed
to stay a day.
Then Monday arrived,
marvelous without making
a big production of it.
Shark Week beginning.
Buckhead Restaurant Week on the menu.
Clark’s Steakhouse—
finally moved from
_a place we’ve both been wanting to try_
to
_a place we did._
Lovely steak,
the kind of dinner
that makes waiting this long
feel a little silly.
Then Craig,
apparently head of dessert enforcement,
forced a cheesecake upon Mari as we left.
Not suggested,
not offered,
Cheesecake: mandatory.
Monday still had room.
Irby’s next—
Doug,
Brit,
the crew,
all of us shooting the shit
while the night took its time
deciding when to end.
Around midnight, Mari’s Lyft arrived.
One absolutely lovely kiss—
the kind that doesn’t ask
for a better ending.
Then she was off.
Except Monday still wasn’t finished.
A few last messages—
some recap,
some goodnight,
somebody saying
she’s obsessed with me.
And now Tuesday
carries a strong hint
that tonight might have Mari in it, too.
No promises, just hoping.
On paper:
friends,
dogs,
a river,
one lazy day,
steak,
mandatory cheesecake,
Irby’s,
a midnight kiss,
one last message.
Doesn’t sound like much.
From where I’m sitting—
not much,
just Heaven all around,
with a strong little hint of more tonight.

Home, Too

Mon, 06 Jul 2026 13:33:23 -0500

The return happened
while I was still working.
Mari and Brandon showed up,
scooped Coal up,
and Mr C handled the reunion
exactly as a good dog should:
completely,
immediately,
without making anybody
explain a fucking thing.
They stayed for a beer,
long enough for arrival to become a visit
before the green leash carried Coal out the door
and toward his own couch.
Ava had made it home, too,
back with Bubbles
after Atlanta finally remembered
what airplanes were for.
Orca and I
returned to Irby’s,
which counted as home
because home had never been
especially strict about walls.
The weekend was over now,
but it still glowed around us:
soccer filling screens,
dogs becoming friends,
Ava learning code,
and all that missing Mari
I had kept busy enough
to carry quietly.
There was nothing left
to coordinate.
No flight to track,
no extra dog to account for,
no weather deciding
where everybody belonged.
Everyone was home now,
even me,
even here,
yet somehow…
the missing came home, too.