Venting
Sunday didn’t try
to be dramatic.
Which was kind.
I spent the morning
fixing the bathroom
exhaust fan,
because sometimes
the house gets honest
before I do.
Something hums wrong.
Something quits moving air.
Something small
starts making the whole room
feel worse than it has to.
So you take it apart.
Look at the wiring.
Clean what can be cleaned.
Replace what finally stopped doing its one good job.
Then Orca and I
went to the park
for the long version.
Extra long.
Plenty of running.
The kind of walk
that lets a puppy
spend every ounce
of her excellent chaos
on grass,
shade,
squirrels,
and whatever urgent news
lived under that one leaf.
She needed it.
I probably did too.
Meanwhile, our thread stayed alive.
Not ceremonial alive.
Actually alive.
Lit up.
Moving.
Passing little pieces
of the day
back and forth
like we were keeping a small fire fed.
But you were sad again.
And some of that sadness
had my fingerprints on it.
Saturday still there,
sitting in the room
like smoke
I thought I had already walked away from.
You were over there
trying to name
what your heart was doing.
Self-diagnosing,
because sometimes
the brain grabs a clipboard
when the hurt won’t sit still.
And I was over here wondering
if maybe I should stop pretending
my own wiring is a sealed unit
I can service by instinct.
Maybe the fan
wasn’t the only thing in my house
that needed to vent better.
Maybe there are rooms
inside me
I keep asking
you to enter
before I’ve figured out
how to clear the air.
That’s not a confession
dressed up
as a solution.
Not yet.
Just the thought
sitting there
with a screwdriver
in its hand,
looking at me
like:
buddy,
we may need
a professional.
By evening,
I was at Irby’s.
You were on your couch.
The thread stretched between us,
warm enough to count as being somewhere together.
Carolina finished Vegas.
The Cup found its way
into Hurricane hands.
Somewhere, a whole season exhaled.
Me at the bar.
You at home.
Both of us
watching a thing
reach its ending
from different rooms.
That feels
a little too neat
for real life,
so I’m suspicious of it.
Still, I’ll take the shape.
The finish.
The breath after.
The small mercy
of something
getting decided cleanly
for once.
Sunday didn’t fix anything.
Not really.
It fixed a fan.
It tired out a puppy.
It kept a thread alive.
It let a team lift a trophy.
It put one more
uncomfortable question
on my workbench
and didn’t let me look away.
That may have to be enough
for one uneventful day.
Air moving again
in one room.
The rest of me
still learning
how to breathe.
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