Return Values
Today I left you
and Orca
in Atlanta,
then boarded a flight to DFW
with one bag,
one deeply suspicious itinerary,
and a plan the airline
refused to recognize as round-trip.
One passenger west.
Four return values east.
Even airport math
should’ve caught that.
Somewhere over Alabama,
the cabin lights dimmed,
the whole aircraft dropped
into sleep mode,
and a flight attendant
leaned into my dream.
“Sir,” she said, “your return type is invalid.”
I opened the manifest:
me
Ava
Orcus
Bubbles
Looks valid.
She tapped Orcus.
“Vehicle.”
Correct.
“Vehicles can’t be return values.”
Ma’am,
Orcus is a Purple Reign Gladiator
named like the underworld
opened a truck division.
He isn’t baggage.
He is the return statement.
She tapped Bubbles.
“Unclassified.”
Also correct.
Bubbles is
a rounding error with claws,
a tiny hostile takeover
wearing a kitten suit,
and the only known authority
whose hiss radius can cross state lines
without a permit.
Ava requires no explanation.
She is the only entry
on this manifest
with any reasonable chance
of knowing what’s going on.
The flight attendant studied the list,
then me,
then Bubbles…
who had appeared on the beverage cart
and placed one paw
on federal aviation regulations.
The regulations marked themselves optional.
DFW appeared below us
like a motherboard
that kept adding terminals
after running out of reasons.
Every runway led to another runway.
Every gate required a train.
Every train announced: STILL DFW.
When the wheels touched Texas,
the dream changed interfaces.
BAGGAGE CLAIM:
Ava: claimed.
Orcus: technically parked.
Bubbles: has rejected
the entire ownership model.
Me: looking for coffee.
Then I-20 unrolled beneath us
like a stack trace:
Fort Worth
Shreveport
Vicksburg
Birmingham
Atlanta
each city insisting
the bug started
one exit farther west.
Ava took the passenger seat.
I took the wheel.
Orcus took the assignment personally.
Bubbles took control without taking questions.
Texas tried to keep us.
It does that.
Bubbles hissed once.
Texas,
being Texas,
claimed the retreat
was its own idea.
At every state line,
the permissions escalated:
Louisiana: administrator.
Mississippi: superuser.
Alabama: somebody take the keyboard.
Georgia: root.
Meanwhile,
somewhere in the Atlanta process,
Orca sat straight up
for no reason she could explain.
In the dream, you looked at her.
She looked west.
The hiss field had shifted.
Nero detected
an inbound Purple Reign device,
ran one diagnostic,
CAT PAYLOAD: TRUE
and locked his doors.
Allegedly.
325 recalculated occupancy
and began checking
the load-bearing walls.
You were the only system
not panicking.
Which tracks.
And under all that noise,
one instruction stayed plain:
go west empty enough
to bring Ava home,
then point every available wheel
back toward you.
Even dreams know
which coordinate
doesn’t need validating.
By the time Atlanta loaded,
the return array contained:
Ava.
Orcus.
Bubbles.
Me.
And one revised chain of command.
STATUS:
Ava: home.
Orcus: parked.
Me: returned.
Bubbles: root.
Orca has requested a rollback.
Bubbles denied it.
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