_Joint definition filed by Coal and Orca._

_Terms haven’t been reconciled._

[Coal’s Definition]
Friday began at 11 p.m.,
       when Mari finally arrived
       at Irby’s
       with me.

I’d been advised
    there wouldn’t be a burger.

This information was incorrect.

The Spare had anticipated
    a preventable service failure

    and ordered my burger
    before the kitchen closed.

Burger: secured.

I was satisfactorily impressed.

Dad arrived shortly thereafter.

Dad.
Mari.
Spare.
The entire Irby’s crowd.

No Orca
   conducting unnecessary research
                    on my patience.

Friday: successful.

Heaven is:
         one burger secured,
         three of my people,
         the entire Irby’s crowd,

         and no Orca.

[Orca’s Objection]
That isn’t Heaven.

That’s dinner.

My research is necessary.

Also,
     I wasn’t invited,

     so this entire section
     is suspicious

     and probably boring.

A definition without Orca
      is just an omission.

[Coal]
There was a burger.

[Orca’s Definition]
Fine.

Saturday supplied
         the missing mud.

We arrived at the river
   to dozens of emergency vehicles—

                            lights,
                            trucks,
            serious human activity.

B and Mari knew exactly where to go.

Camp established.

[Coal]
Six people had just been rescued
            from a capsized raft.

Important human business.

Resolved.

[Orca]
Good.

Anyway—
       Jackson.

Big ol’ basset hound.
Low clearance.
Excellent mud distribution.

He spent much of the afternoon
        applying the riverbank
          directly to my human.

Then Ellie—
     Jackson’s sister,
     beautiful pit bull,
                  quiet,
              observant,

     clearly management.

Then Tito.

A Lab.

Coal-shaped enough
     to require verification.

[Coal]
Verification wasn’t required.

[Orca]
I ran the standard Coal test.

[Coal]
There isn’t a standard Coal test.

[Orca]
Tito had one.

He pushed back.

Unlike Coal.

[Coal]
I practice restraint.

Tito has apparently
     selected a different policy.

[Orca]
Lesson recorded:

       not every Coal-shaped dog
                         is Coal.

Humility: installed.

Mostly.

[Coal]
Then Dad and Mari entered the river.

So did I.

This wasn’t complicated.

[Orca]
I conducted a complete shoreline assessment.

Depth.
Current.
Wetness.

[Coal]
She was nervous.

[Orca]
Cautious.

There were plays.
There were breaks.

Then B,
     Mari,
     and Coal

     were all out there together.

So I jumped.

One full lap—

     no partial credit,
     no shoreline assistance,

     all four paws officially swimming.

Milestone: CHECK.

Back at camp,
     my human (Coal calls him "The Spare")
     had held down headquarters
     and met every pup and peep in range.

I returned completely muddy,
            fully recharged,

             ready to _not_

           leave Coal alone.

[Coal]
She didn’t leave me alone.

However—
        she’d completed the lap,
        learned something from Tito,

        and today, I didn’t mind so much.

Play is allowed on play day.

[Orca]
He likes me.

[Coal]
That ain’t what the ruling says.

[Orca]
Maybe not.

But Heaven is:
              burgers

              _and_

               mud.

[Coal]
I didn’t authorize the conjunction.

[Orca]
Too late.

Filed permanently.

[Joint Status]
Returned home.

Definition: disputed.

Conjunction: permanent.

Both correspondents: presumed passed out.