A ruthless, clinical, and completely unnecessary elimination bracket for the term formerly known as "texts".

Round One: Raw Materials#

All contenders enter the arena. No one is safe.

Soft & Intimate Division#

  • Notes

  • Little pings

  • Paperless letters

  • Sparks

  • Pulses

  • Signals

You-ish & Playful Division#

  • Wingdings

  • Mini-missives

  • Digital post-its

  • Ramblets

  • Chatcrumbs

  • Nonsensicals

  • Pingments

Symbolic & Trying-Too-Hard Division#

  • Almosts

  • Carried-ons

  • Betweenlines

  • Messagelets

  • Word blinks

  • Syntax droppings

  • Emotional push notifications

  • Half-sent haikus

  • Dings of Destiny™

Disqualified Immediately (You know what you did)#

  • WhatsApps

  • Txticals

  • Zaplets

  • Data confetti

  • Scroll droplets

  • Wordgunk

  • LOLgorithms

Round Two: Semantic Hunger Games#

Based on vibe accuracy, usability in a sentence, and whether or not it feels like it could be stitched into the hem of a hoodie.

Survivors (Advancing)#

  • Notes - Classic. Kept on parole.

  • Little pings - Adorable. Allowed.

  • Sparks - Charged. Keep.

  • Signals - Poetic enough. Advance.

  • Wingdings - Chaos. Promoted.

  • Digital post-its - Disorganized in a loving way. Advance.

  • Ramblets - You knew this was staying.

  • Chatcrumbs - Crumbs of joy. Advancing.

  • Pingments - Irritating and beautiful. Green-lit.

  • Almosts - Emotionally devastating. Promoted.

  • Carried-ons - A callback and a metaphor. Secured.

  • Betweenlines - On-the-nose in the best way. Advancing.

  • Half-sent haikus - Specific and evocative. Just barely.

Eliminated With Honor#

  • Paperless letters — Like a 2004 Kindle prototype.

  • Pulses — Hospital monitor energy.

  • Mini-missives — Sounds like that disappointing newsletter my uncle forwards monthly.

  • Nonsensicals — Too try-hard.

  • Word blinks, syntax droppings, data confetti, etc. — Crimes, all of them.

  • Dings of Destiny™ — Legally inadvisable.

Round Three: The Finalists#

Only the truest conveyances remain. This is about tone, usage, and the kind of layered meaning that would make a literature professor nod slowly.

Finalists:

  • Notes

  • Little pings

  • Sparks

  • Signals

  • Wingdings

  • Digital post-its

  • Ramblets

  • Chatcrumbs

  • Pingments

  • Almosts

  • Carried-ons

  • Betweenlines

  • Half-sent haikus

Evaluation Criteria#

  • Can it be said aloud in a sentence?

  • Would she roll her eyes lovingly?

  • Does it sound like something you would invent, abandon, then immediately resurrect mid-rant?

🏆 Final Form: Crowned Champion#

Almosts, Carried-ons, and Betweenlines#

Like law firm partners.

Like three ghosts in a trench coat.

Like three ways to say: “you mattered today.”

"I sent you three almosts, one carried-on, and two betweenlines. Check your phone."

Per-fect.

Conclusion (as if you didn’t already know)#

The committee rests. The decision is final. (Unless we’re feeling whimsical tomorrow.)

The final verdict is: "Messages" (this was relayed to me by Mari, so it’s final)

No punchline, no twist ending.

Just a simple, elegant solution to a problem that— let’s be honest— never existed.